Sights and Sounds-New Music breathes a New Life

Saturday night, I chose to stumble into the wilderness that is downtown Salem, ma and meandered into the Gulu Gulu cafe for an evening libation with low expectations on the entertainment as I frequent the establishment and am equally frequently disappointed by melancholy, morose guitarists who creepily weep their hearts out about masturbation or crack addiction or something else that makes a room full of waspy white people uncomfortable. Instead, I was met with an earful of melodic pleasure rarely met in any venue. This little dude with a flannel, flappy long hair shaped by the way he pushes it behind his ear and sideburns down to his jaw was spraying this powerful, hip, yet pleasantly unjarring music with only an absurdly long and lanky drummer on a snare. Being instantly turned into a fanboy, my girlfriend and I bought his cd for five bucks (which we elected to mark up from his offered three dollar price tag) as he shyly looked up at me through his glare-smoked glasses and limply shook our hands. We looked them (and by them I came to realize I mean him as it's really just one dude) up online (Lonesome red is his name) and then proceeded to follow them into their following gig in cambridge for a full set on Sunday. Being pretty much the only fans there, it felt like a show just for us. People pay hundreds upon hundreds to have their favorite guitarists and singer/songwriters play for them from hundreds of yards away on screens and I paid nothing to have this dude serenade my girlfriend and I for two straight hours. A big deserved high five goes to happenstance on that one--well played fate, well played. He was good enough that, I would dare to say, he renewed my faith in rock and roll to inspire that rebellious urge to tell my work to go fuck themselves and, subsequently, I felt the necessity for me to stay at the bar until nearly 1am just to hear the end of his set...on a work night!! Finding a gem like that in a shitty little cambridge dive or a semi-pretentious cafe in Salem, well, that's like finding filet mignon in your steak bomb--unexpected, possibly undeserved, but delicious nonetheless.

Writing on the Wall: "People was here"

"People was here."

Ya know, I get a shitload of flack for thinking that global warming is not that big a deal. I mean honestly, a lot of that, is just fatalism directed towards the human race. I mean it's ridiculous to think that we'll last forever just because we've got a few more advanced technological innovations than fire and butt scratching. People aren't any happier than animals and isn't that the ultimate bar by which we rate proper existence. We also haven't managed to figure out how to curb our constant expansion from taking over more and more of the world to the point that we're now concerned that the we'll over run the entire thing either with our waste or with our physical presence. Regardless, people are by no means above the finite nature of all things. Perhaps another species will come along, maybe everything will explode. Maybe the sun will shoot off an arbitrary radioactive ray or some other celestial object will catastrophically obliterate our planet. No matter what though, it makes little sense to concern ourselves with it. Al Gore will lead you to believe that it's the human experience that's suddenly causing a gigantic rock, a planet in fact, to alter the course of it's preset natural rhythmic alternation of temperatures rather than say, nature, but I think that's a political agenda like anything else. Frankly, I also love to litter. Sue me.

Arbitrary Astrology

Given that astrologers are subject to less rigorous verification than even weathermen which is an impressive feat, yet still are consulted for every day matters. I thought it necessary to give myself the same credit to predict the future for no other reason than my own arrogance. Rather than put the signs and then describe your horoscopes though, this week I am going to put street signs and let you know what astrological signs I will totally randomly attribute those...well, attributes to.

Stop SIGN: Capricorn.
Really capricorn, it's about time you put the brakes on. I think you've been overdoing it for months now and we're all starting to feel a bit on edge every time you come around. If you don't feel that, then you're probably just not aware of how others feel about you, in which case I hope I've given you enough of a complex that you'll continue to return here for advice.

Yield sign: Aries, Taurus.
You may have been feeling some tension lately dear, wonderful, friendly, aries and taurus people. As, you excellent, magnanimous, beautiful people, may not always see eye to eye with co-workers. Don't worry though, you're sexy, luscious, satisfying selves can always come back here to find out when and where you should cross the line

U-Turn sign: Virgo.
Today nobody loves you because I said so. Sorry, go back where you came from. Here you're not welcome.

"Road Ahead subject to significant delays from 6 to 9pm due to construction" flashing sign: Gemini.
You two-faced motherfucker. If you really believe that people aren't on to you and your lies then you're kidding no one but yourself. Cut the shit and fess up. You did it. It's ok, your mother might still love you.....here's hoping.

Truck Detour ahead Sign: Aquarius
Being the water bearer, you're probably a little bloated. Time to lay off the lays and trade the couch potato routine for carrots and a good jog as you've become just too heavy for the road ahead. Just cause you wear a breezy blouse doesn't mean people aren't noticing. Tightening your economic belt is not the same as letting it get tight. Do something with yourself. Oh and this could also mean that you're just the debby downer of the group as that would also make you too heavy in a hippie "that's heavy man" kinda way. Regardless, lighten up.

School Zone, speed limit 15 mph sign: Libra.
You being the balancer of all of our lives really just work to dissolve any sort of fun that any one's having. God, get off everyone's back. Work hard play hard, or just do one, it's fine either way. Don't judge me.

Eden Next right: Sagittarius.
You're a fucking archer. That's just wicked cool. You toss arrows in to the air and, with reckless abandon, fuck people's shit up. I admire you and think that you are cool. Today at least you are the winner dear sagittarius and I will talk to you as if that's your name because that's what astrologer's do. Dear good loving wonderful heart-warming pleasant Sagittarius, I hope the day showers sunshine the way you shower arrows on an unwitting legion of foes. Good day.

Purely positive film review: Terminator Salvation

I came into ( BOOOMMMM!!!)this movie a bit skeptical about ( BOOOM!!!!!!) what they would have to do to keep my attention ( BOOMM!!!!!!!) now that they've had so many (BOOMM!!!!!!!) of these movies and really, you can only do so much ( BOOMM!!!!!!!) against a robot in a fist fight. (BOOMM!!!!) Yet, they managed to keep my attention somehow. ( BOOMM!!!!!!) Christian Bale's a series reviver after( BOOMMM!!!!!) all, given his batman success. The cameo at the end was cute (BOOMM!!!!!) but really cute isn't what you expect in this series. ( BOOMM!!!!!) I expect depressing fatalism and crazy robots ( BOOMM!!!!) Although my girlfriend found this about as exciting, (BOOMM!!!!) as trying to sleep while on a drive through the forests of maine in a school bus, (BOOM!!!), somehow i think I'll still remember it. Even if my eardrums can't forgive me. KABOOMM!!!!!!!